My bad eating habits and personality issues come to haunt me

A very articulate and measured retelling of the health issues of an online writer friend of mind was shared a few days ago. This started out as me trying to find solidiarity with him by expressing mine as well. However, I fairly quickly realized it needed it own blog or the comment on his page would likely have longer than his retelling. So here we go!!

I am not going to bother with worrying about every word being spelled perfectly for those that do, I am sorry. However some weeks ago I had diarhea, which is not a unheard of situation for me, whether it is my medications or just my body is unclear.

However, this time, it was followed by a horrible taste in my water support, which was not corrected by getting bottled water, or filtered water (also in a bottle) SmartWater which is a brand of alkaline water and is supposed to be better. That worked one night making me a happy camper. It tasted soooo good. However the second time I used it, it didn’t help.

The next step was I kept feeling weak, to the point where my legs didn’t seem to want to move. I couldn’t see the doctor before Mar 5, and began to wonder if I could possibly live that long without relief. So, I thought of the ER, but coming from the school of thought that believes you much do anything short of the ER possible BEFORE going there, I called the doctors office, explained my systems and asked if I should go to the emergency.

Now, I obviously got their “permission” to go to the ER. Went and almost immediately the nightmare began. They found my blood pressure high, apparently very high, it would prove to be 218 over 100 or around that at one point during the next 4 days. I am NOT blaming the nurses or doctors for the nightmare except in a couple of situatons.

Then there were two nights of horrible dreams/experience (It wasn’t always possible to know the difference) during the next 4 days, while the doctor suggesting each day that I might go home soon. This always scared me because remember the high blood pressure issue. Also one time she said something that I assume now was meant for the nurse about needing a stool sample. (I had at least one nights of diarrhea while in the Hospital) It turned out on Sunday, the 11th, when the Doctor talked to me, brought up going home and I again panicked and told her I couldn’t because I hadn’t been able to provide a stool sample, she told me that was for “if I had diarrhea again” not in general.

So now, 9 days later after getting out of the hospital, I am at home under orders to keep my calorie intake under 2000 calories or generally in that neighborhood, and watch my Sodium intake in the same general, or lower area. Oh, and yesterday, the nurse added that I need to look at my grams of protein, again something that I had ignored.

Which leaves having to change my life style totally. I am struggling right now with keeping fed. For a guy who has never really learned to cook, that has been mostly what I could microwave, and I have yet to figure out how vegitables can be microwaved. (don’t laugh, it is probably easy but as a friend says, it isn’t simple if you don’t know it)

Right now, with raisans, Avocados, potatoes and olive oil butter, and using peanut butter (low sodium etc) and some safer bread etc, I have managed around 1300 to almost 2000 one day in calories while keeping my sodium under 1500, which may or may not be good but it has to be better than Burger King 1 or sometimes twice a day with a frozen pot pie thrown in every once in a while.

Also, I have to work on my personal mental and socializing status. I am a loner, there always seems to be a wall that prevents me from being close. I can socialize on a small level, chat, gossip whatever. But the “feeling very very close” thing has not been easy for me.” As my physical therapist pointed out today that those walls are obviously built by me, mentally. But how do I change a habit and way of being of 70 years of experience at this point? Yet, there is no question that isolation plus no family to speak of, just two cousins that I am still in some extent of communication with, and few friends that have the time to actually either help or talk to me on the phone each day gives me a hurdle to try to get over.

Add that all together and you see me dealing with a lot, in my humble opinion but add on my religious upbringing and the seperation from others that I was taught as child, and it is perhaps even worse. The religious upbringing has never gone totally away for me. Unlike my friend who wrote the other blog that this was meant as a comment on to start with, I haven’t given up on the words of my training…or maybe gotten over, would be the more logical wording of that. So, death has always been a scary monster to me. Even when I move toward believing that Hell is the opposite of what the Bible says about God and “his” love, oblivion seems as horrible. As my mother used to say when I resisted going to bed, I just don’t want to miss anything.

Ok, enough, if I go on longer, it will likely get me in a downward spiral…and therein lies a lot of my problem. Thanks to those who end up reading this, and other thoughts and/or prayers you can spare would be appreciated. Right now the biggest concern is my food….I am hungry right this minute, and my landlords son is working in the apartment on some things. Maybe I will grab something “healthy” like the better bread and a piece of Bologna, or a frozen chicken patty and nuke up.

HIGH LIVING!!! Oh, and I am not sure when or if I will be returning to my political commentary because hey, everything other than my health is on the back burner for now.